Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Body of Rumsfeld's Daughter Washes Up on Florida Beach; Rumsfeld Retracts "No Iraq-Al Qaeda Link" statement

A few minutes after the body of 'Kiki' Rumsfeld was discovered -- the apparent victim of an unfortunate and regrettable 'boating accident' while a guest on RNC Chairman Ed Gillespi's yacht -- the Secretary of Defense called press conference to retract his statement earlier in the day that he hadn't seen any hard link between Iraq and Al Qaeda: "I have acknowledged since September 2002 that there were ties between al Qaeda and Iraq,' Rumsfeld said in a Web site statement issued following remarks he made to the Council on Foreign Relations in New York Monday. 'Today at the Council, I even noted that 'when I'm in Washington, I pull out a piece of paper and say 'I don't know, because I'm not in that business, but I'll tell you what the CIA thinks' and I read it'.'"

Gillespi had this to say: "We regret the very sad and sudden snuffing out of a light in Donald's life. We expect that this unfortunate and unavoidable accident won't keep Donald's wife from attending the planned election week cruise of the Carribean, as we'd already discussed." Gillespi went on to say, "Hopefully, this is the last such news conference Rumsfeld will have to have."

Asked to clarify, Gillespi said "I mean, news conference acknowledging the sad death of a close and treasured family member."

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